Goodbye SportsVilla!

The Day of Isolation

When my father woke me up today morning, sprinkling a few droplets of cold water on my face, I awoke from a trance. Interestingly, this trance was not limited to a dream I was lost in for the most of that night, but also the same hard-coded workflow which infected my mind every morning - to sync myself up in the usual order of getting ready and leaving for office, while thinking of office work as I rode the 26 kilometers, partially consumed by thoughts of home, family, friends, career, life and future.
But today was a different morning.
It was almost like a revelation when I got back from all these thoughts onto the corner of my bed, and as I closed my eyes, I could see myself floating in the dimension of time. The image was intriguing - eyes softly closed, my limbs suspended in nothingness, I could feel a vast infinite ether moving fast and ahead, whilst I kept myself afloat faintly feeling it rub past my every microscopic length of my body.
It synchronized perfectly with every fragile piece I've heard and learned about life being an illusion.
In that moment I could visualize time as a vast exhaustive dimension each and every one of us 'living' being is trapped in. So howsoever you laugh, cry, beg, plead, shout, run, or stay - time would just smile back and keep moving. It was this thought which produced a few instant words -

"When time is slowly moving. And you can almost feel it. You can't grab it. You can't bully it to stop. It silently smiles at you, looks forward and keeps moving."

Musings

Imagine a world where the rules of the Universe govern your action, and all you have to do is to submit to them.
When your effort equals zero physical work and all you have to do is to exist in ecstasy and see the cosmic interplay.
When even if your fingertips touch anything material, it brings you slightly closer into a deeper level of consciousnes, seamlessly.
An experience of possibility, no matter what; unlike the real world, which is marred by impossibilities.
Where when a window for possibility is opened, a billion more things are rendered impossible. Is it worth the effort?
But why do I surrender my life to chance and will? Why do I surrender the capacity to understand, comprehend and evaluate.
What if someone really wants to escape from this existing present world to a different world - how does that purpose survive in these practical restrictions - yet an experience of an infinite universe.

...

(February 2016)

This is not for you and I don't want you to read it because none of it makes sense, and never will because this is to capture a moment, or a couple of them, as I see them passing by in front of my eyes - Some as soon to be forgotten memories, others right here, as I tap these buttons without any plausible method to give shape and meaning to a billion thoughts as they swim through a small universe of my conscience wailing shrieking crying at the top of their voice yet unheard, but nonetheless they wouldn't ever stop as they form a reflection of life which never stops as well, and where there are no full stops except one where you don't have a choice and just like a pack of cards it all comes falling down, not too different from where I stand right now, tiny collapses as the days pass by, a day more to look around at a world you didn't understand and have no clue of whether you ever would, because it's alien and your perspectives, understanding and logic hold no significance, where...

Travel_Log_2015

January - Chopta
February - Mirzapur
March - Dayara Bugyal
April - Goa & Mumbai
May - Bir-Billing
June - Gurgaon Getaway
July - Mussoorie
August - Dehradun
September - x
October - ...
November - ...
December - ...

Because She is 'weak'

(Some thoughts from back in April 2015.)

Rights is a corrupted word. Corrupted not in theory, but in real, living life. On the papers, everyone has a choice. In real world, the publicaly-accepted 'suppressed' entity gets to have the first cry, and it is then when humans fail on that one quintessential quality which makes us different from a wild pig - Logic.
On a different note, I think even a wild pig applies commonplace everyday logic to survive. Because he probably knows - where logic fails, the word 'choice' is wiped off existence. But guess who doesn't accept this? You and me. Everyone, everything around!
Because if a Scheduled Caste points out in public for you called him a Scheduled Caste, you're shown on Prime time, back to back.
Because if a Crippled complains your calling him crippled making him uncomfortable in his skin, you're tagged a heartless piece of shit.
Because if a Female colleague says she doesn't like your face on the lunch table, you could be given two hours to pack up and leave office premises.
Yes this is the true, real world out there.

We are so defunct when it comes to emotional resolution between people in such scenarios that our natural mind and gut embraces itself irreparable tightly around the perceptively weaker. And probably that is why the Society warns you against BEING in such a position at the first place.

The boundary was crossed in front of my eyes.

The Inner API

One of the prominent characteristics of growing up is to start to find inefficiencies in the world around, and *stop* to try to fix it yourself.

No my statement above doesn't relate to any distant political satire, but rather to my home at Lavanya Apartment, which I most groan-ingly complain to my parents as "Kya kachra pada hai" (what rubbish is lying around). The term kachra here relating to open electronics, extension boards inter-wiring circuits like black plastic neurons, naked MCBs - one from my father's antique sound system, another from my college robotics kit, unfinished engineering problems - like a self-made-from-scratch aquarium hood, bundles of life-saver gluing tapes, then opened razor blades, switches and plugs that silently say "Beware dawg".

So for long I searched for a 'why' to explain this, helplessly giving up every time.
Until that one day. Standing at the junction of the drawing room and bed room, I glanced at the scattered items, and suddenly they didn't seem scattered at all. Opened boxes with internals safely encapsulated in their open cases reminded me how once these lay hidden in deep caves that even we were not aware in our home. Whether it be the bed box or the small shelf above the door, there was always an unwelcome presence of items. And we never questioned them. Unless if it's time to move home, or a random cleaning drive until when they would rot and decay. And then we'd discard them for a newer them. And soon the newer that would find it's place in the same cave which it's late successor possessed.

The scatter was no longer ugly. It was a naked reality. The real Inner API.

Humorous Speech - Division G | Toastmasters

It's been a long time.

I started competing in Toastmasters to discover my delight of speaking. And more specifically, victoriously speaking.

And now when I look back at the best moments - most delightful it is to be able to leave a mark, an impression in someone's mind when you share your ideas. Speech champions are no different than Champions in any other field. They're polished and ripped - not in physical strength, but in the craftsmanship of words. When they perform, when they speak, the world watches.

But beyond this hazy philosophical description, there are some common things learnt by me which I document here today -

1. Never leave focus off the Core
2. Hard work beats talent
3. Months of work behind a six minute marvel
4. Winning performance shows
5. No one wins alone, share the happiness
6. Trust your gut
7. Don't forget to have fun :-)

That's it. Enough gyan for some now time. Ciao.

-K

PS: For sake of documenting a memory...

Erase me.

"Sometimes I try to find a safe spot at night and pull out my phone and write your name in it and then go back again. Don't understand it. I can live with the fact that we have moved on but I can't live with the fact that every early memory or any association to love will have you in it. I can try and let go of you, I WANT to let go of you. But with you I need to erase me too. And that's unfair. Because that is something I can't do; I am not over you."

-P

Long day

It's been a long day.
I can close my eyes and feel your smile, not a visual feel but a feel that I can touch. Touch and grab and hold close, not letting go. No, never letting go.
And even though all of you lives somewhere in an infinitely soft voice brushing against uncountable intersections of my thoughts, I wake up, ifs and buts and cuts.
And even though bits and pieces of you and time flash in the constance of what now defines 'me' deep inside, nothing to do with who I am, I open my eyes, with hymns and prayers and cries.
It's been a long day.

Tamma Tamma \m/