Sunday, October 12, 2014

Toastmasters Area B2 - Speech Evaluation

11th October 2014
Just before I slept last night, something inside my mind told me that this Saturday deserved more acknowledgement than I had given it. The event was Toastmasters Area Level B2 Speech Evaluation Contest (each area comprises of ~6 clubs), the venue being Interra IT, SEZ Phase 2 Noida. Among my preparations were - carefully saving the map to the location, and watching 3-4 winner videos (some were ancient - dating back 5 years).
I woke up to some disturbance the next morning. 5AM it was I felt drugged. The voice inside my head said 'Go to sleep, man!' but I knew I had to leave home about 2 hour before the event begins as I wasn't well-aware of the area of the route. I stole a few intervals of sleep, then dragged myself out of my bed, opened my wardrobe, fished for my year old college-placement-times shirt and trousers bought when I was in Morgan Stanley, Mumbai (and had to wear formals to office),


Google told me I'd take 26 minutes to reach the destination, but I left 90 minutes early. I was much-expectedly lost on the way, and in the middle of Bharola Village, had to call the Area Governor, who's number I had thankfully saved. His wife picked up and sounded partially asleep, while I was in the middle of nowhere shooting questions about the address, landmark and directions. I was amused to know they were still asleep, and hence my gut told me that they'll begin the event late, and also that my striving-for-punctuality has backfired again. I reached 30 minutes before the event was supposed to begin. As I was parking my bike outside Interra, I met Neeraj Gupta, the Big guy in Toastmasters from Adobe. It was a pleasant surprise. I had heard his name numerous times before, but seeing him there, I realized this event was going to be serious business (possibly involving some Biggies). He accompanied me downstairs to the hall, and we shared about our teams and positions. As soon as we entered the premises, the volunteers rushed to welcome him (and a small welcome for me as well). We signed, I was asked to pay 100 bucks as registration fees (which was a surprise) and asked with a smile to wait in the meeting area. This was going to be a moment of shock for me. 30 minutes to event and not a single participant seemed to have arrived. It was all volunteers and empty chairs waiting for participants. I knew for sure now that I was too early. Although the email specifically said 9AM, I'm sure no one there had taken an oath similar to mine, for being on time.
I grabbed a few snacks and had sat down brainstorming on possible exciting options for passing time, when I met two gentlemen and out of a social-desperation, struck a dialogue. They were much elder to me, and were associated with Toastmasters for pretty long. I'd mention Srinivasan here, who accompanied me as a friend (and didn't make me feel he's about 15 years older to me) all throughout. A Tamilian by origin, he had found both job and love here in Delhi, and so was an almost Delhite by now. Something in him reminded me of Namesh, my friend from HYPY, and so we bonded quite well.
10.30AM, 1.5 hours after the scheduled beginning, the event starts. Two Areas were supposed to have their respective competitions - Area B3 first and B2 second. Each Area had participants for two events - Humorous Speech and Speech Evaluation Contest. In a nutshell, I had to wait for a minimum of 9 speeches and maximum of 11 speeches for my turn. Area B3 had decent performances, and I had an evil spark of confidence when I realised that unless I totally screw it up, it was not difficult to beat that level. I took notes for the Sample speaker for B3, did a quick personal practice, framed certain reusable punchlines and went to the washroom for a good 7 times in 3 hours. Yes, I was nervous. But something inside me felt good in that moment of weakness in the knees and shaking of the hands. I knew this was to be accepted, fought against and conquered. And that there was no other option. I remembered screwing up a debate during my school time, and asked myself why couldn't I just go out there and put the stage on fire with a brilliant piece. Time flew away, and it was our turn now - Area B2. The first humorous speech was Srinivasan's, and he rocked the audience into volumes of laughter and cheer. His topic 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness' was aptly supposed with an extremely humorous example of his wife. The bars were raised, and everyone felt he'd be the chosen one. The speaker who went second did an amazing job and almost matched Srinivasan's level. The competition had just become cut-throat. Another trip to the washroom and I missed Speaker 3's speech. Peeping from outside the hall glass, I inferred the audience was rolling with laughter. This speaker resembled a distorted version of a friend of mine back in Mumbai - Sumit Kotasthane, who is a naturally spontaneous comedian himself. Next was my awaited event, and I was chosen to be the second participant to go (as per a draw). Now based on experience, I've seen people who go second have an advantage over others, especially over the one who goes first. So this made me a bit confident, though I could now have no clue about how the first performance meant, which meant no clue of the results before they would be announced.
It was announced for the Test speaker to begin with his speech. 'Gaurav' I quickly noted down the name. My copy had dedicated sections for rough notes and a sheet for writing those notes in fair. I remember ruthlessly scribbling while my ears were constantly plugged in to his voice - the quality, modulation, content, and occasionally I would look up to notice movement, body language, usage of the stage, and expressions. I noted down how he began, set the theoretical foundation, gave data of both qualitative and quantitative nature, used pauses to emphasize, and went about in a coordinated, organized manner. From watching those sample videos, I already knew that the evaluation itself needs to be like a story. That I needed to make it special, so had preplanned a small bonus - to reuse two insanely comic punches from two Humorous speeches which were given (and I knew well that the audience will recall the punches which will push my speech to a level above, effortlessly). That worked out well. I used the Spartan king Leonidas for enacting how to give an argumentative blow, then hold yourself back for the audience to absorb the impact. Relativity held true and time flew by amazingly fast. The red card was shown (which means I have crossed the upper limit and into the grace period now) and it was then my mind asked me to conclude and shut the hell up. The conclusion was fast, so only those who paid attention had the laugh, but this helped me judge that I was successfully able to atleast preserve the attention of some people out there. As I walked back to my seat, my mind quickly told me what went right and what went wrong. I had completely forgotten to wish the Contest Chair and had begun straight off; in order to cover all points, I had been a bit too fast; not maintain requisite eye contact with the audience; and at the end of it, instead of 'Good job Gaurav', I said 'Good job guys' :P The last one was excruciatingly embarrassing, but I was glad it was over. Though passing time now was a pain.
The judges seemed to take ages for evaluating results. Meanwhile we had interviews of the participants, as customary, and I was asked the story behind what I had mentioned about what inspires me. 'Humility in Perfection' was what I had written. I mentioned Bruce Lee, and this principle being something I'm trying to inculcate in myself. We had a small speech from the Guest, Reet Arora, who spoke on 'Leadership lessons from a Panipuri wala'. Her speech wasn't that content-heavy but the delivery was impeccable. Meanwhile my heart was thumping wild, and my mind was pretty much boiling inside a pressure cooker. It is this moment, a strange voice inside me spoke up and that relaxed me beyond any measure. I opened my copy and wrote down what that voice had said...


I was suddenly transported to a different world. A more peaceful one, where it was okay to fail, but important to learn out of it. I could not wait in peace for the results. Though my brain did not stop crunching probabilistic numerical logic and told me 'Just pray you atleast get the first runner's up trophy :P'. The results were there. Area B3 came first. We cheered for the winners. Though everyone seemed to be waiting for Area B2 results, and so the anxiety in the air increased exponentially. Speech Evaluation results were declared first, and the Runner's up was given to the Sumit-look-alike co-participant. I had expected my name, but now it was clear that either the next name is miraculously going to be mine, or I got disqualified due to speaking over-time, and the judges decided to award the more mature looking lady coming from Statistical Mathematical background for the first position. The announcer consumed a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. I heard some people call out my name in the background. It was the slow motion scene before the blast in an action movie. And the moment arrived sooner than expected and hit harder than I had thought.
Well, simply said, I won.


Walking up to the stage, with a cheering crowd behind, it was difficult to hide my smile that had conquered all available inches on my face. I don't know how many times I thanked the dude who handed me a small Winning trophy and a certificate. I didn't wait long enough for a picture. Hadn't given my cellphone to anyone. I didn't care about the picture actually. The feeling that moment was really nice. It was waking up at 5, driving 15 kms on a dusty road to an unknown place, getting bored as hell, torturous moments of anxiety, hunger and cruel competition paying off. 'Seems you did a good job bro' I told to myself and went back to sit at my seat trying to conceal the blast of happiness inside with a supposedly humble expression on my face.
Unfortunately, Srinivasan didn't win. I felt sad as he was the one who had raised the standards so high. Also, he was the closest I had to a 'friend' there in the crowd of a horde of unknown faces. He tried hard but could not hide that pain. I told him he was a Winner for me, but it was all in vain. He left shortly, just after congratulating the winners and giving me his contact number. Some people came to congratulate me and introduced themselves (finally noticing that I existed!). Others still seemed busy with their own gang. Gaurav (the Test speaker) whom I happened to know a bit well as we chatted during the snacks break, wished me like old college times (Shouting 'Bhai you did it' and hugging like we've just won World War 3). It was a good feeling. Neeraj walked up to me really happy with the fact that Adobe had won. He asked me to catch up in office. I left the premises shortly.
On my way back, I knew which direction to go. But regardless I got lost again. Though this time, it really didn't matter. All what I could think about was how my Mom and Dad would be when I do enact my copyrighted drama about losing badly, just before they discover the trophy and certificate. It made me smile. Warm feeling, it was, to think about making my parents feel proud something I've done. I drove on, about 10 kilometers off route now, but managed to reach a place I could recognize and so, corrected my direction. I drove on at 60 kilometers per hour, the wind softly brushing past my face, and it the peace I felt was one of getting back from a war.
Back at home, my drama didn't work out that well (I've done it so many times, it doesn't work anymore), but they were ecstatic. I felt like a kid again when they hugged me and said 'Kamaal karta hai yaar tu toh' :P


A lot of photographs later, I changed my clothes. The peaking 'high' of victory was wearing off amazingly fast. And it was then I decided to write about before the moment was forgotten among a billion others. At times in life, it's good to wait and appreciate the smaller happiness' that life has to offer, and appreciate the fight that goes behind achieving it. It's cute to be embarrassed at how jumpy you are when something works out. It makes me believe in forgetting about the cloak of etiquette. I'd rather be jumpy, immature and idiotically happy instead :D
Yay!


Happy Karva chauth

For the memories.
12-10-2014

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Kabalarians.com Baba ka Gyan

  • Your name of Karan gives you a highly sensitive, idealistic, and intuitive nature.
Yay. I hope that implies something good.
  • You could be expressive and creative in the arts, music, or drama. 
Right. Makes 'perfect sense' to be a Computer Engineer working with a Multinational.
  • Since you are not inclined to give due consideration to practical and business matters, you could miss out on reaching a level of financial success appropriate for your efforts and abilities. 
Fuck I don't wanna die poor!
  • You feel and sense much that you do not fully understand, and you can be deeply influenced through the thoughts of others without realizing just how you are being affected. 
Yeah, thanks for officially called me a emo-wierdo.
  • Others are inclined to take advantage of your generosity and friendliness and then, when there is a lack of reciprocation, you can feel despondent and disillusioned. 
Reciprocation! Girls, please read this again.
  • Moods are a problem as you can be highly inspired one minute, and the next become quite irritated and annoyed over some ill-timed remark or lack of consideration on the part of someone close to you. 
Sanyaas in the Himalayas is the only way out now.
  • You could suffer through nervous breakdowns, as well as disturbing thoughts, which could affect your concentration and memory. 
Can. You. Stop. Freaking. Me. Out. For. God's. Sake.
  • Also, disorders in the fluid functions could arise.
Okay. Enough of this bullshit.
  • Although the name Karan creates the urge to understand others, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control. 
That's still insulting.
  • This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid and nervous system.
So bottom-line, I'm an emotional freak with 'fluid' disorders and potential nervous breakdowns. You made my day man.

^What the fuck was I thinking?

Rachel

She was late by 25 minutes. This was unexpected. So I smiled at myself for being wrong about her. The last time I saw her three months back, she was the 'Mother India' concept personified for me. Ironically it was equally good and bad to know I was wrong.
She'd understand the Mother-India pun if she ever reads this.

Connaught Place has been an amazing place for first (and last) meetings. You both'd be like two souls lost amidst a thousand more, trying to steal a moment or two of existential solace. And so we walked on, equally clueless about where to encapsulate the few billion microseconds of togetherness to follow.
Cafe Coffee Day it was. Tropical Iceberg, Choco Frappe and White Pasta it was. She was wrong again when she said we'd find peace. I wont't tell her this though.
Struggle in the tune of the music in a whirlpool of loud murmur pained my throat. But we talked. I pretended to be busy relishing the pasta as she looked around, and I looked at her, stealing more glances than I should have, and thought about how she existed in pieces of contradictory dipoles - the alpha of mystic philosophy and the omega of ruthless materialism.

I have no clue if she even listened to what erupted off an inexplicable spontaneity of memories of college times - of the story in flesh and blood of a struggle for IIT (BHU) conversion, of finding unexpected first love and endeavouring its preservation amidst difficult times. About faith and the art of war with one's own internal motivation and translated action.

And so I stopped talking. For she was a poem of an incomprehensible figurative art. And my words were dwarfed by the secret monologue of my internal mind...
She'd be like childhood horror stories - the more I read the more lost I'd be. And she'd be long gone before I move past the fundamental premise of the consciousness she is. 
So I let go of the rein snatched from hands of time, and looked at the digital hours and minutes in the supine of my mobile phone screen, simulating our Goodbye as imaginary seconds ticked in incremental silence. It was her resplendence to bent the curve of time and space which stayed behind as she left as an incomplete prose with a perfect expression in the back of your mind, but no material ink to cast a scintillating mysticism of perspective in a framework of comprehensible emotion.

A conspiracy of capturing concluding microseconds before Goodbye rendered me much akin an unprepossessing drug abused. Cocaine overdose I'd say.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

The Larger Question

I want to ask you (and myself) one question today.

Is LIFE what happens when you're busy working for money?
Is LIFE what happens when you're busy struggling with people and relationships?
Is LIFE what happens when you're busy proving the world you're worth their attention?

Fuck-No.

Thank you Stefan Sagmeister. For you unknowingly answer this question for me today.

http://www.ted.com/talks/stefan_sagmeister_the_power_of_time_off


Life is about making all those crazy times of striving incredulously hard worthwhile for yourself.
It's for earning shit-loads only to spend that shit-loads back on yourself.
About doing all that you never-freaking-dreamed you'd do.

Stefan talked about integration. He talks about how he hybridization the mainstream European lifestyle of working crazy hard for initial years and then retiring, waiting to die. His modification pulls a quanta of those retirement years and fits them in slots while you're on the 'work and earn' mode.
But how does he sustain? He travels and performs social experiments. This quenches his creative thirst and at the end of his Sabbatical year, he's rejuvenated and recharged for yet another professional-cum-personal sprint.

This inspires. The fact that job is not everything that exists, is reiterated. It is but a part of who you are and who you'll be. Though this does fact expose a powerful extremum of contradiction existing around you and me. I ask myself to where I think I walk towards. To where I aspire myself to be x years from now. An obvious generic answer is success and fulfillment as my end-of-life goals. But the material casting is what still eludes. It is when you come across people like Stefan that you stop avoiding the answers to such questions and reflect on it with eyes closed one morning as you breathe in fresh air in those youthful conscience yet to make it's mark.

I do things. I strive to learn constantly. I dynamic and I evolve consistently. Multidirectionally.
This hurts. I will mostly never be the Stephan Hawking or the Bill Clinton or the Mark Zuckerberg or any other 'the' for that matter. I might live to be an unknown person who makes a small boy on the road or an old man in the metro station smile. I might not be Superman or 'The Chosen One', but be happy to see my parents smile and take pride in my tiny ordinary everyday achievements. I might not be Daniel Radcliffe or George Clooney, but be someone you would like to spend a careless Sunday morning cycling around in the countryside. And with that unstrategized unrestricted spontaneity, I want my life to be integrated in one piece.

Stefan shows how he could connect the dots. He inspires me because in his story I learn that it's always possible to start today.

LIFE is what I will make out of it. Tomorrow. Today. This moment.