A Snapshot of My Times - 2 (23rd September 2014)

Happy Birthday Papa and Tejas

I left office early informing my manager and team mate that it's my brother's and father's birthday the next day. Their ridiculed expression was unexpected and funny at the same time.
Same day afternoon I was given a critical task of collecting my brother's pictures. These were required for certain arrangements made by his friends. This made me open my External Hard Drive and dive into a whirlpool of memories dating back to long gone childhood. As he turned 20, I realized how precious these memories were - times still moving by that we generally take for granted, and which does never return.

I'm sure I must have forced my parents to let me capture the picture above (it used to be inexplicably heavenly handling the camera). Though now I wish there were more such memories I could have captured. Or maybe if I could travel back in time to listen to my father talk about Internal Combustion Engines as I stood close to him holding tools, or buying candy for my tiny brother as I cycled back home on equivalently tiny wheels.

Every time we created a ruckus (we fought a lot - "His glass has more milk!") and didn't stop till Mom lost her patience, we knew we'll be beaten up good time (irrespective of who's fault it was!) when Dad comes back from shop. I remember the horror, and thank both of them for the stick that was a necessary mitigation of unregulated mischief, at times.

Unsurprisingly, the clock hands kept moving slowly, and each year our ages would be incremented by one. And now, 20 years after 23rd September, 1994, my tiny brother is a symbol of strength and positivism for me. My father and mother have made me learn that making life beautiful is a choice.
That every action, every moment, every thought reverberates and touches people who love you.

I promise today, to make you all proud of me. I promise amazing times, infinite laughter and tears of happiness. I promise love, respect and reverence that still wouldn't match a fraction of what you mean to me.

Thank you Papa, Mum and Bhai.

--

Bike - 13000 kms

September 9, 2010 it was. My surprise gift was finalized after days of research and test rides by me. A final ride by my father confirmed my 19thBirthday+FirstYearRank1 gift to be a White Honda CBTwister. Today as I took a right towards the road to my office, watching the speedometer made me smile and reflect back on completing 13,000 kms in these four years. I remember the first day when I rode it from the Honda store close to IP Sigra Mall in Varanasi to my Second year hostel - C.V.Raman at IIT (BHU); how my friends, strangers, random chicks would look up in awe, while some would congratulate me with evident envy visible in the eyes, others would be happy about all those late night ghat trips together that were possible now. Once a week I spent an hour carefully washing and wiping dust marks. After polishing with a select premium polish given by Dad, I left it to dry before taking it out for a round. It felt like riding a White Unicorn, as it smelt in ecstasy of fresh polish, and shone like a gigantic precious gem.
Of when I'd take my girl out for long drives in and outside college, we'd ride to the Agriculture Farm, Assi Ghat, JHV Mall for movies, Godowlia for the Ganga Aarti, and at times just drive to the small temple behind Vishwakarma hostel, which was practically walk-able from the GSMC Girls' hostel.
Of when I'd drive to University Admin to retrieve No Objection for protest march, and to the city District Magistrate for his permission, fighting for a dream - the conversion of my college into an IIT.
Of when I'd drive late night to Assi ghat, and sit with Nitish or Baranwal or Yogendra, talking about life after breakup. Speculating about how to ask the hottest girls in campus for dates (which never happened), or the next movie to watch in the cheap early morning show at IP Vijaya, or when initial days of CouchSurfing we'd literally go flirting international.
Of when I'd drive to the placement office in final year. Rejection after rejection, I'd still drive on again with hopes alive, till when I rode on shouting at the top of my voice in jubilation - the day of finally knowing where I'd start my career.
Of when I came back from Mumbai, to see it scarred, but still as beautiful as the first day I felt the breeze when I rode it on the empty University Outer Circle road. I washed it with the same zeal, although it had a few marks which won't wipe off.
Of when I look back today and feel amazing to have you as a part of my life. Let's drive on.

--

PostMessage() appTimer finalization

It happened in a second's brilliance. Like a moment of Wow, this particular thought filled my conscience and made me propose a plan to my teammate, who's a Senior Scientist at my workplace. This individual brainstorming was a result of a mini team project that arose out of a functionality break in our Performance check infrastructure. In simpler terms, it was something to be fixed, and I was fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to get the opportunity to fix it.
A suggested hypothesis, few code changes, and grueling experiment results later, I sat on my desk typing ferociously, too curious to share my observations. The blast of achievement inside reflected in those words of congratulations for my work the day we all put a stamp of finalization on my work. This was something I am not used to, as a usual day goes by amidst sour dialogue with team seniors - the essential nature of Performance Engineering. I, being a thorough Non-Geek, was still busy climbing the steep learning curve, when results were ruthlessly demanded.
Regardless of sullen times, that day was special. It was a moment of disbelief to accept that my first project approached completion. It was a moment of appreciation for all speculations that didn't stab in the back. It was a moment of pride to hear them clap with acknowledgement.

A Snapshot of My Times - 1 (13th September 2014)

Before my reader speculates the story behind this almost-absurd title, I'll take you with me to the root of it.

A sudden pang of painful realization hit me today morning as I walking in the fresh morning air feeling effortlessly wonderful. Life is just moving by CRAZY FAST. You're a day older every morning. And you almost never realize how it adds on to our whole life. I thought about myself - there are only 17,163 days left for my 70th birthday. And I spent my entire day yesterday working on my Office computer, playing a bit of basketball, and trying to avoid the distraction called 'girls' in office. Phew.

Coming back to my point - life disappearing in front of your eyes is horrible. But it becomes more of a disastrous crisis if you're a writer. Or at least someone like me who loves to cast experiences, memories, revelations in words. THIS is why I kick start my 'A Snapshot of My Times' today, without further ado. Hope the reader can bear with my tiny moments of happiness, learning, failure, and reflection. If not, please comment below whatever you could have done instead of reading my blog. :P

So here we go.

13th September 2014

1. Turning 23 was cute. I had almost forgotten times of my childhood, when I was made to feel like the Royal Emperor. All silly mistakes could be overlooked (because it was 'my day!'), amazing chicken would be prepared, the house was decorated, friends invited over to the cake cutting ceremony, and it I was ECSTATIC when it came to unwrapping gifts to quench my mounting curiosity.

As the digital clock in my cellphone hit 12 midnight, 09-09-2014, I felt a hollow enveloping silence pushing me on verge of sleep. My oblivion for 'parental machinations' was hit with a thunder when Mum and Dad stormed in and hugged me as if I was a baby. I had forgotten innocent childhood love of this form, and so couldn't help smiling to realize that I was still a young boy in spirit for them. This was after five years that I got an opportunity to spend my birthday with family. I cut the cake, lots of pictures were click, with each of them having all of us - Mum, Dad, Brother and me, packed together in an embrace. I felt how special it was to be back, to forget for a moment the war raging outside, the battle of everyday life. It was the 'my day' feeling enveloping me all over again!

Having deleted my Facebook and WhatsApp, I had but a little expectations of being wished by friends. My mind was divided in pessimism between two fronts - of calling them later and playfully blaming them for not wishing me, and a wriggling feeling inside me if there WERE any people I could call my 'friends'. Amidst such useless reflections, a few people who called me up to wish brought me back to realizing how special it was to connect with people in all humility and honesty. When borders ceased to exist between us and life went spontaneously seamless. I know it is unfair for so many others who just could not wish, but you people will be the shining gems of my life. Thanks for that. Plus, I will strive harder now to remember DOBs.

With so much going around in my mind, the day just passed as if it never had come. A cake was cut in my office, and for a change I saw everyone smile. Colleagues were more sympathetic than usual, and I was not grilled for not being able to contribute anything substantial that day.

2. Winning the Toastmasters Speech Evaluation Club contest was a pleasant surprise. Honestly. I know I can talk wonderfully well at times, but I can screw it too, so there's never a certainty. Plus, it is SO EASY for me to just go haywire and lose focus when I'm talking. It's silly, but I constantly need to realign myself like a flight en-route its destination. Five participants stood against each other. Two experienced club members, and the rest three of us new joinees. A chit draw later, I was chosen to be the first speaker. Now out of my vocal literary experience, I know going first can be a bit unlucky. The judges are most interested, most critical and so the harshest while evaluation. Also, the audience responds to every glitch as if it was a blunder. Going second/third generally works out for me, more if the speaker before me did a horrible job. But well, the decision was made, and so it was Do or Die for me. I remembered how my mind was troubled last night - my childhood friend's father had come across a grave accident, and was in a critical condition. Upon being informed, I had immediately decided to visit my friend in the hospital. As my father got ready, I quickly watched an exemplary performance of Speech evaluation on Youtube, and THAT was all I could afford to prepare. We returned at midnight, and I was too tired and resigned to have any concrete practice. So when I stood there and the competition began, I knew I needed to give it my best shot and forget about the results (Easier said than done!). Five speeches later, the results were announced, and I was selected for the Area level competition, standing first among the five evaluations. Going first wasn't so bad after all, as I was lucky enough to listen to all speakers, and so could contrast what I lacked, and what I could polish more as my strength. I tried to maintain my calm and be humble when people congratulated me, but that smile of victory betrayed me. I was exploding in jubilation inside. "But this is just the beginning" I told my crazy self, asking him to calm down and at least act humble. Slowly the almost-orgasmic emotion settled down, and I was back to work, remembering that there's of course a LONG way to go.